I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
