ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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