i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
