Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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