Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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