ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
