Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
