Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
