My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
