Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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