Will you blow on my dice?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
