Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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