Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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