Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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