I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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