i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
