I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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