I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
