i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
