I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
