Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
