I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
