i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
