so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
