i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
