you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
