My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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