i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
