You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
