He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
