I cannot find my penis.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
