How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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