All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
