I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
