Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
