Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
