Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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