i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
