I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
