I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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