part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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