You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
