You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
