remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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