You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
birth control should be required to get into college
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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