So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
