Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
