Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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