her vagine was all disorganized.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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