and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
ttyl tear gas
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
