Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
