Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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