Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
