My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
